You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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