after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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