I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
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All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
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Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Floor bacon is actually really good
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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