Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
