I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
