I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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