My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
