Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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