Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
