lets start a swedish sibling band together
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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