This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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