If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
