I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
