Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
