Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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