i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
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I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
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Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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