its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
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i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
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Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
When are your genitals available?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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