I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
