My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
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