Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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