This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
