Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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