I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
