I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
