why im i the only drunk person in the library?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
