It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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