I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
