Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
