I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
