I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
