I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
