Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
