the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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