Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
