My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
