so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
