just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
