I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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