Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
