there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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