PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
What a dumb baby whore.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
