I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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