I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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