new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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