He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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