i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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