Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
