he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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