I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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