Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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