hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
