I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Randomize
