Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing