How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.