So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy