I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We don't watch enough power rangers
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.