Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
