Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo