they need to just BURY HIM!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
