She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.