i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.