Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Someone shit on the floor
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Sext me about skeletons
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
