screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
