I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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