How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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