I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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