The maid of honor just puked.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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