Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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