Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
