I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
