i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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