just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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