just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
