fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
