please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
