Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
